Fe Fie Foe Fum . . .
11:30 on a Saturday night as life continues to change around me.
We’ve finished the first two weeks of classes and by the end of next week I should be pretty well settled in. A week ago today was the 6 month mark; sometimes I feel like I get worse instead of better. I was crawling out of that hole last week when news came that a student on campus who I knew well had committed suicide in his dorm room and was found by security. Crash, boom, bang I came apart! Other students who knew him (and also me) were seeking support and comfort – which (being part of who I am) I readily gave, all the while feeling my own swirling head trying to remain above my shoulders.
Here was an extremely engaged and intelligent handsome young man who was academically superior and an excellent creative artist; gifted in both science and art, which was why I’d known him so well. Hearing of this loss, all I could think was “what a waste!” So many years of physical health thrown away, when the obvious other side of that was “what would Paul have done to have had the years this kid threw away?” Of course, I also look outdoors to see the crabby nosy octogenarian neighbor puttering around next door in her garden and wonder “why is a meddlesome old biddy like THAT still alive when Paul is dead?”
Middle son has completed moving out, eldest son is still here and will be hopefully gaining employment in his field in the next couple of weeks. Youngest son (Cameron, the singer) is down on Cape Cod for two days to play a party for the former college president’s 80th birthday; Cam is staying with Paul’s parents. It’s been a quiet day except for the huge storm, and I’m off to sleep soon having accomplished only a fraction of what I needed to get done today. I did do some of what I wanted to do by organizing some of Paul’s and my correspondence files, though preparing for the week’s Art History lectures might have been more realistically useful!
Tomorrow will be new, and for now I’ve gotten through another day. I do send wishes that Bradley has found what he wanted on the other side – what a tragic loss for those of us still here.