Emotions Stirred
Sep 26 2012 in Sharon's Blog by Sharon
Yesterday I went to my regular volunteer job. As I have mentioned before this program for which I am a volunteer is a social program for people with beginning to moderate Alzheimer’s. My husband, Wayne, did not have Alzheimer’s. Wayne had another neurological disease called multiple systems atrophy type c. Wayne’s disease was something like Parkinson’s but moves much faster. In spite of this I found and find a connection with this volunteer job. In addition to that I think helping others like this and showing compassion may be part of what I am suppose to do in this world.
Yesterday we took the participant on an outing, so it was not an ordinary day. On an ordinary day us volunteers kind of look out for all the participants and are not assigned particular people. This was sort of true yesterday also. However, yesterday we drove down in cars to our destination with usually two participants and two volunteers in each car. Hence we were more responsible for the participants in the car with us.
One of the participants in our car I am pretty sure has Parkinson’s disease. I don’t know if this is in addition to Alzheimer’s, or it this man is the exception to the rule of most participants having Alzheimer’s in our program. Anyhow, it just struck me so much yesterday how much this participant reminded me of Wayne when he struggled against his disease. This man tends to hang to the side and not sit up straight. Wayne did that. He also talks very softly and is hard to understand. Wayne did that. He usually doesn’t use a wheelchair, but since we were on an outing they provided a wheelchair for him part of the time. I was the one doing the pushing. Wayne was in a wheelchair all the time at the end. There were too many similarities yesterday, and it really hit me. It made me feel really sad last night both for this man and for what Wayne went through.
In addition to this I found out that another one of my fellow volunteers used to work with Wayne. She talked about how nice a guy he was. That was good to hear, but it did stir up emotions.
denise said on September 27, 2012
Ooooohhhh, it sounds like yesterday hit very close to home. It’s like you felt all those losses all over again.
How do you feel today?
Sharon said on September 29, 2012
Thanks, Denise. I am doing better. There will always be an ache, but life does go on. There is purpose for me still being here, maybe even more so because of my caregiving experiences.
Karen said on September 27, 2012
Sharon,
First, let me say that your volunteer work is and will be a godsend for many people. Your caregiving experience gives you the compassion and understanding the people in this program need so much.
It’s understandable that the similarities you saw in this man to your husband’s condition and what you both went through should bring up memories and stir up emotions. I know how hard it is to re-live the loss.
I find things happening that bring back the memories of the difficult times and of the losses. And then I cry for a bit. But remembering what our loved ones went through, what we went through, and knowing that life is always way too short, helps us to have more understanding, compassion and patience with others.
I think that our life’s work is to refine ourselves and to bear one another’s burdens. I often find, now, that all the help I can really give is to let people know that I care.
I think that it will be a long time, if ever, that I don’t miss them. And it’s hard. And it’s sad. And it makes us human.
Isn’t it a comfort, also, to have people share their memories of our loved ones with us?
I am thinking of you tonight. And I pray that you may find comfort.
Sharon said on September 29, 2012
Thanks, Karen, for all your kind comments, thoughts, and prayers. I do believe difficult experiences do refine us and make us more compassionate to others. Again, I so appreciate you and your comments and prayers.
Bette said on September 29, 2012
Hi Sharon,
I’m so sorry for the emotions that come without warning.
The connections to others’ situations can seem both startling and reassuring at the same time.
You bless so many through your experiences and compassion. I’m so glad you are able to volunteer as you do.
Thinking of you and praying for you. I hope today has been a good day for you.
Sharon said on September 29, 2012
Thank you, Bette, for your kind words and prayers. I appreciate it so much.