In Time
Aug 27 2012 in Bette's Blog, Year 1 by bette
Some require just a little more time – maybe that’s how it is designed to be. One of our new baby birds was ready, the other – not quite yet.
One of the many life lessons that caregiving has brought to me is that of the importance of pausing. Pausing before a decision, pausing before words spoken, pausing before leaving a room to be sure my mother is left safely, nothing around her that could cause her harm.
I received a call from a lady last week. She wanted to know if I would consider selling her my mother’s wheelchair. Not long ago, I may not have spoken my needs, this day I did.
“Thank you for thinking of us, but I’m not able to part with or move anything of my mother’s just yet. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to, but I will let you know when I am ready.” Wow, I thought, did that just come out of my mouth? It did, and it was okay. No guilt. No worries.
My mother is not here with me, but she continues to teach and to impact my thinking. These are ways she can stay right here with me.
So, in time the healing will come. It may come more gently with some things than others and, that’s okay.
I can pause and know what is healing and what needs more time.
Sharon said on August 27, 2012
Hi,Bette. I want to once again say how sorry I am about your loss. You were such a wonderful and caring daughter to your Mom. You are correct. Grief healing takes time-much more time than one expects. There is a certain sense in which it is a life long process. So be patient with youself in this process. You will slowly find your way and will find new purpose. Your caregiving experience will gradually influence the next chapter of your life. I hadn’t checked aftergiving.com for awhile, so I hadn’t seen your earlier blog posts until today. I responded to one or two of those also. My prayers are with you, Bette.
Karen said on August 28, 2012
Hi Bette,
You are very wise to pause. At this point in time, it’s good not to jump into anything and not to let yourself feel pressured by anyone.
I think many people find it difficult to truly understand such a loss. I found some friends, whom I thought would understand, just wanted me to move on with life. I find that I have to re-define my life now. And it’s an ongoing process.
kristin masters said on August 28, 2012
Wise words, and thank you. I am so anxious for the next phase of my life to begin, as I feel I am in limbo, and I really need to slow down and just let things happen as they will.
denise said on August 30, 2012
Hi Bette–Life’s timing can be frustrating. Or freeing.
We have to trust our time and know that it comes on time.