May 10 2012 in Sharon's Blog by Sharon
Yes, there have been some sad grief moments this week, but it has been a good week as a whole. Tuesday I had another good day at the Gathering Place where I volunteer. Monday I went to the doctor; I went for a med check. This means that they would not keep renewing my prescription for a nasal spray I use without coming in. This was good in some ways, because I was able to talk to the doctor about some concerns I had about the fatigue I keep fighting.
The doctor first talked to me about my husband’s death. (I had not been to my family doctor since Wayne’s death 16 months ago.) The doctor was so kind and unhurried. He was so helpful in alleviating some lingering feelings and questions I had about Wayne’s death and my care of him during his illness. I felt so good after talking with him. In many ways I feel an emotional burden has been lifted that I was still caring to some degree.
The doctor then said to me, “Now it is time to concentrate on your health.” He and I both feel the fatigue I have been feeling is most likely from grief still present. He advised me to keep exercising, as did my oncologist the week before. He did order a cholesterol and thyroid blood test which I did Wednesday morning. They called me with the results today. The cholesterol was good, but the thyroid levels were slightly elevated. He wants to check that again in six months.
Today was a beautiful sunshiny day. What’s not to enjoy about that? I also took a relaxed pace with things I did today. On Thursday nights I usually go to my local son’s family home, but they are gone visiting her family in Finland. So it will be a quiet evening at home. I actually am enjoying the slower pace this week, as I also did not have to help with home school at their home yesterday either since they were gone. Sometimes too it is difficult for me to go every Thursday night to their house on occasions when I don’t feel up to it and still feel I have to put on a pleasant front.
I will always miss Wayne, and I know there will be many sad moments still ahead. I am only 16 months into the grief process after all. I am thankful for more lightness in my spirit this week, however. Maybe the exercise is starting to help. I was also convicted by something I read the other day that I need to be thankful for and concentrate on the time I had with Wayne and not on the loss. I need to trust that my Lord will see me through this and concentrate on His presence especially when I am feeling the heaviness of spirit. I need to also concentrate on my blessings. I started a gratitude journal again last night.